WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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