you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
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