I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
