Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
