I swear she didn't look like that last week.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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