i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
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