now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
she told me i tasted like america
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
