I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I just cut my nipple shaving
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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