either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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