put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Randomize