I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize