Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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