So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
