Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
