He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize
