The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
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