its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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