New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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