there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
