Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
So vagazzling was a success
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
