we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize