so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
