Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
