bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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