i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
