We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
