So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I woke up under a house in Key West
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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