Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I'm determined to sit on that face.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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