my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
