Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
