I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
