So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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