I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
