I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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