adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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