I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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