i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
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