They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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