i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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