i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize