my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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