I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
4 words: hood of his car
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
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