She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
