How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
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