Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
