These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
