There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
