Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
