You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
