She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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