hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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