i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
