i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I think i peed on brittanys purse
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
