go do what you do best...puke behind churches
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
She needs sedatives and a leash
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
