wanna go halves on a baby?
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
