My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
