for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
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She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
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but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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