i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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