she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
