HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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