i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
