I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Randomize
