Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
