Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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