So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
