you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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