Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
