do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
