Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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