Your mouth is God's brothel.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
