took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
