I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
