last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
