I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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